True teamwork

Being wedded to a producer/director is sometimes great fun and sometimes a drag. It is impossible to plan anything with him involved as I never know his schedule. It is maddening when he sometimes wakes up to a supposedly free day and by mid day he is swamped with calls and sudden urgent meetings. What is worse is when he needs to travel at the drop of a hat with no known date of return.
But let me instead talk about the better aspects of my life. Thanks to him, I was able to sit through a shoot of his serial which features some of the biggest names in the Kannada film industry. I had this once in a lifetime opportunity to watch Dwarkesh, Chandrashekar and Mandeep Rai on the sets, as they were giving their shots. To say that I was excited was putting it mildly. I was not quite sure of what to expect, but nevertheless I was very suprised by what I got to see.
Despite being a huge name in the industry and a favourite amongst the masses, I didnt see a trace of ego, pride or for that matter any starry airs in Dwarkesh's behavior. Instead he was working very hard to improve the performance of every body else on the sets. He gave them tips, coached them on their dialogue delivery and more or less took over the direction of the scene from my husband's hands. He truly raised the bar and elicited sterling performances from the other senior stars - something that my husband could not have done without bristling a few egos. As for his part, he was superb. All he needed was a few minutes. He would close his eyes, rehearse his dialogue and then go for it. His shot was invariably fine at the first take. Such dedication and pursuit of perfection was enthralling and inspiring.
However what really amazed me was his desire for the project to succeed, the complete lack of insecurities and pettiness that sometimes makes people want to outshine others and stand out in a crowd. This was what sets perfectionists apart. They want the product to be perfect and they are mature enough to understand that the chain is as strong as the weakest link. So they try to plug all the holes and strengthen all the weak links. Their aim is not to stand out and perform alone but to perform as a team. Therin lies the sucess formula of any team. And cinema is possibly the biggest example of team work where everyone needs to excel for the project to be successful. It is not enough for the actors to act well, the cinematography, music and rerecording, the story and screenplay, the dialogues, direction, editing everything needs to make the grade for the film to be successful.
It is hence quite tragic that a film gets panned in a second without any due thought for the untiring efforts of all the unsung heroes behind the screen.

You need to come first..

For the last couple of days I have been recieving calls from friends of mine, all with kids who have grown up and husbands busy with their jobs, feeling lonely, unwanted and frustrated. Having spent the better part of the last 5-6 years bringing up their ward and looking after their homes, they now just dont know what to do with themsleves. On pouring their woes to their husbands they, more often than not, face apathy or worse - open ridicule at their mental weakness and a stern reprimand to pull up their socks and look at the brighter side of things. I can well identify with what they are going through because I was in the same place a few years back. I would get frustrated with my lot in life - at having to give up my career and life in general to look after my daughter and this anger would invariably creep into my interactions with her leading to a compounded sense of guilt and self-hate that can cripple the best of us. I would look to my husband for support and understanding but sadly he would never quite understand. He would exhort me to do whatever I wanted but for God's sake to be happy. (in short he wanted me to spare him my sob story)
That was when I decided to be self reliant. Not just financially but emotionally. I decided to take my life in my hands and make the tough decisions that I was earlier procastinating. I am not sure if I have made all the right choices and I am still trying very hard to accept the truth that it is not humanly possible to do right by everybody. No matter how hard we try it is not humanly possible to excel at all the roles that we play in life. But it is important to realise which roles are most important to our happiness and then work around and yes even compromise on the others. I decided that while my family and most importantly my daughter was important to me I also needed something that I could excel in. I wanted to try new things and learn something new daily. That is what makes me feel alive. I then went ahead and made my decisions accordingly.
I really think that we women need to focus on ourselves first. Only if we are happy can we make our child, husband or anybody else happy.