You need to come first..

For the last couple of days I have been recieving calls from friends of mine, all with kids who have grown up and husbands busy with their jobs, feeling lonely, unwanted and frustrated. Having spent the better part of the last 5-6 years bringing up their ward and looking after their homes, they now just dont know what to do with themsleves. On pouring their woes to their husbands they, more often than not, face apathy or worse - open ridicule at their mental weakness and a stern reprimand to pull up their socks and look at the brighter side of things. I can well identify with what they are going through because I was in the same place a few years back. I would get frustrated with my lot in life - at having to give up my career and life in general to look after my daughter and this anger would invariably creep into my interactions with her leading to a compounded sense of guilt and self-hate that can cripple the best of us. I would look to my husband for support and understanding but sadly he would never quite understand. He would exhort me to do whatever I wanted but for God's sake to be happy. (in short he wanted me to spare him my sob story)
That was when I decided to be self reliant. Not just financially but emotionally. I decided to take my life in my hands and make the tough decisions that I was earlier procastinating. I am not sure if I have made all the right choices and I am still trying very hard to accept the truth that it is not humanly possible to do right by everybody. No matter how hard we try it is not humanly possible to excel at all the roles that we play in life. But it is important to realise which roles are most important to our happiness and then work around and yes even compromise on the others. I decided that while my family and most importantly my daughter was important to me I also needed something that I could excel in. I wanted to try new things and learn something new daily. That is what makes me feel alive. I then went ahead and made my decisions accordingly.
I really think that we women need to focus on ourselves first. Only if we are happy can we make our child, husband or anybody else happy.